3 tips for coping with negative reactions to your success and overcoming rejection
Can we talk briefly about overcoming rejection? Often we describe someone who disapproves or passively judges our success as “hater.” However, I don’t think the right term is “haters.” I don’t think it’s a “hate” thing. In fact with complete transparency, I was once that girl, “rooting against her.” I used to have a hard time watching others succeed, and acknowledging that I wasn’t where I truly wanted to be. No one is about that rift of insecurity, but we can choose to rise above our own limiting beliefs.
Ya know, over the past 5 years while I’ve been building an online coaching business, I’ve sometimes felt like people rooted against me or I’ve had those awkward moments when I walk into a room, and I’ve just unknowingly silenced a the topic conversation. Every happen to you?
Sometimes it can feel like people don’t want to see you win
It keeps them safe in their comfort zone. But I don’t think their view of success really has much to do with the person they root against. In fact, I think it has more to do with the fear of losing the person they know, the person who sat in the same comfort zone.
When I experienced that feeling of watching others succed, it was more like when watching someone LIVE out their calling and standing on the sideline of my own. My own limiting beliefs and my fear created this emotion of distaste. It was never hate. I would form an uneducated opinion, an annoyance, but not an actual hate.
I find now that rooting for others is a practice, a skill.
It’s a concious choice to acknowledge that they have something that I too would like to work towards. Rooting for someone’s success turns our insecurities into harbored hope.
But it still stings to feel like we are on the receiving end doesn’t? And what’s the best way to approach it? Do we let it lie or do we confront it? How do we overcome rejection? I wanted to share three personal tips that I’ve utilized over the past few years. Admittedly, my tips haven’t always been used gracefully. I am finding that the skill of empowerment and cheering take practice, grace, and a lot of patience.
Securing yourself to the bigger purpose means that your anchor is settled on something bigger than the voice of the critics. What do you actually want? What are you working towards? Is our purpose big enough to survive the storm of opinions that are tossed carelessly your way?
There’s a great expression that we can’t pay our bills with other people’s opinions and it’s true. When you are attempting to achieve a goal, whether business or even weight loss, it’s key to consider the company we are keeping. Seek out the company of those who push you to remember your goals, and will remind you of the goals you’ve set when those storms do come in.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself. Are the people you are surrounding yourself with familiar with why your goals matter to you? Are they a good support system when things don’t go your way? Do they help you resolve any roadblocks? Do they help you overcome rejection from others? Know what you want. Anchor yourself firmly to your vision, and assertively pursue your goals.
Inside Job It.
When I was a kid, I had this grand dream of become a Rockette. I would tap around the house, flapping my feet off beat and scartching up my mom’s floors. When we find ourselves getting caught up in the opinions of others, it’s a lot like the tap shoes trying to find a beat. We keep circling the opinions looking for truth ,but get lost in the noise of the “tap, tap, tap.” When I am troubled by others’ rejections of me, I often find that my thoughts spiral out of control, fear creeps in, anxiety rises, and purpose falls to the side. It’s easy to find ourselves believing that the perception of others is our own reality. So I intentionally cue the quiet and drown out the tap. I force myself to be still whether I am practicing yoga, meditating or busting out my scriptures. I seek absolute quiet, get still, and look for the inside part of the job.
Shorten the approval list because worthiness is an inside job. No one else’s opinions can take you where you are called to go. When you are leveling up your own life, you can’t keep playing on the same field.
High Road It.
Be the bigger person isn’t something I just tell my kids after they argue with a friend. It’s not just a cliche. It’s advice I’ve learned to take (through a lot of “wish I could take it back” moments). Take the high road even when it’s hurting when it’s tempting to speak it before you really think on it, or when you feel like you’ve been taken advantage. When you know that you’ve done your best but you’ve fallen short or you feel a little betrayed by the people you trust, choose to high road it. Here’s the truth about the high road: there are never traffic jams, but Big G will be taking your wheel. He will always take good
care; He basically rocks the driver’s seat so you can just ride shotgun. He will plant the right people in your life and remove the weeds along the path. The rest of it? Drop it. Leave it. Let it go. Pick up the things that really matter. Drop the crap that doesn’t. Leave the rest to Him. The load becomes a lot lighter.
I still have the moments where I doubt my gifts, where I feel the tug of “I can’t,” or the limitation of my own self-doubt. That’s the craziest part of pursuing t
he things that matter most to you. It’s never going to get comfortable. And not everyone is going to root for your win.
But friend, if you are convincing yourself that you can’t, but you feel called to, I think it’s important that you know that I am rooting for you.
So is He.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Inside Job it.
High Road it.