Five years ago I remember looking in the mirror, overworked, tired and listening to my 2 year throw a tantrum about how I cut his hot dogs.

Apparently I did it wrong.

And that’s what I felt.

I was doing it wrong.  Motherhood. “Wife-ing.”

No one told me just how hard it was, and no one told me just how much a number on a scale play such a role into how I dealt with everything.

I guess it’s a common issue. As women we are given a ridiculous standard to live up to, that we have nothing left to do but really fall short.

So I did.
My weight increased, and my self-worth decreased.

I don’t know exactly what rock bottom really means, but I picture it as dark and empty.  I picture standing at the bottom of a chasm, with no one there to hear me yell, no one there to give me a ladder, but a small glimpse of light.

And that’s what I had to reach for.  A glimpse of hope, the light.  I began to climb.

First step.  Admit that perfection was bullshit.
Second step. Take care of myself.
Third step. Remind myself that I am capable of climbing.
Fourth step. Keep climbing.

It started with a choice.  I needed to allow myself to refuse the myth of perfection, and admit that my flaws were simply part of the process. I stopped trying to achieve a number, and started to crave something bigger- happiness.

I ordered an at home workout.  I couldn’t afford a gym membership, and I didn’t have the time.  And the first time I pushed play, I fell to the ground. It was really hard. But I knew that it would be.  I was at the bottom of that chasm and needed to strengthen myself to climb out.

I pushed play every damn day. I cried some mornings.  I got off track, forgot why I started. I slipped. And then I got back up. Every day I did it because as I was working on me, my confidence was increasing, my patience as a mom was changing, I started to feel my self-worth, and then I started to look forward to the climb.

And then I kept climbing. Because fitness, the climb, isn’t a one and done kinda job.  It’s a commitment.  Just like mommin’, like wife-ing, like anything in this world worth fighting for.

You are worth it.
I can help you start the climb.

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September 9, 2016

Katy Ursta