Cue the Music and Give me a Mustard Seed! | One Fit Fighter's Blog

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Thursday, August 21, 2014

Cue the Music and Give me a Mustard Seed!

The man who saved my life! 
Here it is.  A blank canvas.  I am looking for words.  Any words.  The right words. Some type of words to express the emotions I've felt the last few days. 

I still cannot think of what to write.  That must seem somewhat bizarre. If you read my last post, I talked a lot about the anxiety of breaking up with chemo.  I mentioned the worries I have living a life free of cancer.  However, I really didn't mention the process of moving forward. 

I have had a lot of trouble concentrating on the future when for the last seven months because I have been firmly rooted in getting through each day, each treatment, each scan.  Planning for the future is a little, well, uncomfortable.  And celebrating is something I am not quite ready to do.

Here's what I do know
12 rounds of chemo and I still got it!
  • I received my last ABVD treatment on 08-18-14.  I kept a lot of my hair.  (Take that Rhonda.)  Recovery from the treatment was difficult and the fatigue really hit hard-emotionally and physically. 
  • I will get bloodwork for the next two weeks to make sure there is no infection and that I am recovering from the effects of chemotherapy. 
  • I will wait a grueling 6 weeks for my next scan.  The scan will reveal if radiation is necessary or if more chemotherapy will take place.  My oncologist is completely confident in my, "progress." And what I refer to as "horseshit," he is pretty certain has saved my life. 
  • The next 5 years will consist of scans, visits, and close watch on all signs of cancer.
Here's what I don't know:
  • Where I feel my career as a coach and teacher are leading me
  • If that cancer crap just loves me so much that it's gonna stick to me like glue
Here's Where Faith Comes In:
Luke 17:6 
"The Lord answered, 'If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,' and it would obey you!

I have found myself saying this over and over in my head especially as I have been asking for guidance as I transition into my role as survivor. Truly, I feel a pulling, an obligation, a calling- not sure which one but something in my heart is telling me I am on the right path, and even though I don't know exactly what this means and where I am heading, I do know I have faith the size of a mustard seed.  I certainly believe that I am destined to inspire others- one post, one blog, one comment, one person at a time.  Nothing is impossible. 
What I Fight For


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